It's not too late, it's never too late.

Sometimes it seems like the only thing that has changed is the way in which I think about God.  I believe, but I don't seem to be living out what I believe.  I think partially I'm afraid.  I get quite a bit of crap at work for just believing in God, going to church, and occasionally posting a Bible verse on my Facebook status.
Every time I'm sitting in church, I am reminded of how incredible I find the Bible, and I tell myself I'm going to read it on a more regular basis.  By the time I get home, though, I always do something else instead. I really find it far to easy to put this off, over and over again.


Church has gotten a lot easier.  For a while, it was really hard for me to talk myself into going.  I knew it was a good thing, but my emotions made it hard to sit through a service without running away.  Even though it's not so hard anymore, I can't help but think about all the times I ran, and all the hiding places I found there.  I actually enjoy going to church now.  I pushed through the hard part, and I think it's okay now.  




Memphis got snow.  This never happens.  Last year schools were closed because snow was predicted, even though there was no snow, ice, or even rain.  The first weekend we just got ice, which wasn't so bad until I got stuck in the mud and then had a flat tire.  I had to be at work at six the next morning, and it was already ten o'clock at night when I got home with my flat tire.  I was emotionally exhausted and just plain overwhelmed, and didn't know what to do.  After Dad was on his way to change my tire, I tried to calm myself down.  
I posted on Facebook and Twitter, then went outside to smoke a cigarette.  While I was out there, I realized that it was once again time to let God take control.  I prayed and cried and I knew that while I was too overwhelmed, God could handle anything.


I came back inside and had a text message from a friend, telling me that she and her husband were praying for me.  It meant so much, like God had heard my prayers and that text was sent by Him to comfort me.  Then I opened my Bible and started looking up verses to comfort me.  It was really amazing how much it helped.  If you know me, you know that once I get to certain point, I tend to just implode, and I don't really know how to stop.


God saved me.






I'm not giving up yet, but I really do feel like I'm failing God much of the time.    He is always there for me, but I tend to forget that.