God is so good to me

I had an epiphany last night.
(I also really like that word.)

I have been kind of "ignoring" the whole issue of God lately.  I don't have any mental reservations anymore - they have all been broken down.  Emotionally, I don't have any reason to avoid this.  It's just - I just keep putting the whole thing off for a little while longer.
I think I'm waiting for God to do something to get my attention again.  And in my mind, this means something bad.  I'm waiting for everything to fall apart, and have an emotional breakdown.  In my mind, that's how God gets my attention.

I was wrong.  God has been trying to get my attention for a while, in smaller ways.  Last night, I realized this.

There are a lot of people who have kind of walked in and out of my life.  In many cases, I'm sure that I did a lot of the walking out.  Regardless, now that I've kind of stepped back from all of these situations and am less emotionally involved, I'm getting a little nostalgic.
There are a lot of people I don't really talk to, who I used to be close to, and whom I would like to be closer to again. 

Last night I got a chance to talk to two people who made a big impact in my life when I was younger, and who I kind of miss being around lately.  It wasn't even a big thing.  But as I was driving home, I suddenly realized that "Wow, God is so amazing to give me the chance to talk to them again.  I am so blessed to be able to have these conversations with people whom I trust and with whom I am able to be honest and transparent because they already know the really bad stuff that I like to hide from people."
Then and there, I prayed and thanked God.

I don't have to wait for God bring me to the bottom for me to see him working in my life. 

I don't need to wait for some big sign for me to realize that God is real and that he loves me and will always take care of me.  However, being as stubborn - and to be completely honest, utterly terrified - as I am, it usually takes quite a few times for something to actually get through to me.


I've avoided the entire subject for a while, and now I think I'm starting to stop avoiding it.  I've felt like I need to get rid of anything wrong in my life before I can really have a relationship with God.  Mentally, I know that this isn't the way it works, but it's one of the emotional roadblocks that I've thrown up.
I'm scared of starting anything new, especially anything this big and life changing.  Even if it's a good thing.